Rants, Raves & Roadkill

To answer the question posted by anonymous, I don't know what color my hair is now. Hell, I don't know what color it was orginally. The color doesn't have a name, but a number, and that, my dear, is sort of like your age. Don't nobody need to know that.

There was another poster who basically posted what looked like an ad for some site. I took that off. You can disagree with me on my blog but you can't advertise, unless you pay, or course. That's why its MY BLOG. I do all the shameless self-promotion here. Sorry.

I got a curious call from a friend of mine last night. When I answered, she was hooting and hollering.
"I killed an 150 pound buck on my first shot!" (Read her lines with a Texas twang. For the uninitiated, that is sort of like southern, only with a rock sitting on your tongue.)
I was in a politically correct mood. "Is this good?"
"Heck yeah! My first shot," she shouted.
I tried to restrain myself. She couldn't see me distorting my face in disgust. "Well, now what are you going to do with it?"
"Its at the taxidermist. The rest will go to the Deer Processing plant. I'ma have about 80 pounds of meat."
I remember seeing a deer Processing plant sign down on Congress Av. I'd thought it was a joke.
"What are you going to do with all that meat? You have a freezer?"
"Girl, that is venison. I'ma make steaks. I'ma make sausages. This is an excuse to get a new freezer. I'll give some away--"
I coughed.
"Don't worry, It ain't considered red meat. It ain't beef. I know you are the only vegetarian in Texas. You could give some to your kids."
I gagged again. "I don't think we can swallow it."
"Well, you don't know what you missing. You need to try it. Its a very lean meat."
I imagined Bambi being processed. Bambi being packaged and sold in Bambi links.
She continued her story. She is my friend, so I let her. After all what are friends for?
"You know, I climbed up in that deer blind and I spotted him. I made sure he was a him first because there is just something wrong with shooting a HER, if you know what I mean. I didn't have no problem with putting a bullet in a male though. I made the guys clarify that it was a male. And then I just shot it."
"Um Huh. Can I ask you a aquestion? Are you REALLY going to eat something that doesn't have a supermarket sticker?"
She guffawed. "Hell, yeah."
"Well, how do you know its safe? What if it had Mad Deer Disease?"
"Ain't no such thing."
"How do you know its safe?"
"Look, City Child, There is something about hunting down your food and killing it. And I promise you this is safer than anything you get in a supermarket. I was on a game ranch, so the deer get the best food."
"Um huh."
I might be able to hunt and kill it, but beyond that, I don't think I would be able to do anything with it.
My friend, you are a better woman than I.
And I'm not making fun of her either. I'm making fun at myself. Let's face it. A few months ago, she was a woman who went to a shooting range to learn how to shoot. Now she is a woman who can hunt down her food and feed herself and her family for weeks. I, on the other hand, am still relegated to and hence imprisoned by whatever is presented to me in the supermarket. And I have to trust those little tags, too. She knows where her food has been and has come from. Maybe I need to go with her next time. I'll just fish though. Okay, maybe not. I told you she was better.

Comments

Anonymous said…
...i wonder if your attitude towards hunting and killing bambi would change if jimmy choo made a nice deerskin stiletto...

c/c
Nina Foxx said…
I have no problem with killing Bambi. I just don't want to do it myself nor do I want to eat him. But if someone else does it and fashions a shoe to my exacting standards, so be it.
Anonymous said…
When did the NRA start monitoring and responding to your blogs Nina dayumm!LOL You touched a nerve!
Anonymous said…
just because we like guns, hunting and the great outdoors, doesn't mean we can't relax with a nice piece of stylish "chick-lit" when we get back to the tent.
Anonymous said…
Seriously I'm not hatin' on guns because I feel you.I enjoy them too. Also I'm all about the great outdoors being country raised myself;just not the two together. I do my shooting indoors on the firing range. My apologies if I insulted the stilleto wearing,deer hunting, chick-lit set LOL.

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