Showing posts from February, 2007

Cookie Conspiracy

The Girl Scout Pledge says that Girl Scouts are supposed to be honest and loyal and trustworthy and all kind of stuff, but truth is, they are evil, evil creatures spreading obesity worldwhile with the potions they so harmlessly call cookies. I said it, Girl Scout cookies are evil.
My daughter is a Brownie and she loves doing Brownie things. After last year, I swore she wouldn't sell cookies again. Sigh. What's that you say? Never say never?
The Troop Leader mom says, Oh if you sold just a few, then she could feel like she was participating in the fund raising. My daughter gave me that long face. She did't want to be the only one without a patch.
Guilt is a mother------.
It would be one thing if she were truly selling them, but you know they don't especially the younger kids. They can't go door ro door, and did you hear about the Brownies that got jacked for their cookies and the cookie money outside a supermarket? What kind of mother would I be if I let her d…

And The Winner is....Things to Ponder n 2007

The best email of the week so far ame from someone near and dear to my heart in Maryland.
Things to Ponder in 2007
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an
make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the
Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
and people take P…

Valentine's Day-by Carmen Green

Good Valetine's Day to all my attached sista and brotha's friends.
I'm really happy for you. I'm still single, but happy. Mhmm. Living my life like's it's Golden as Jill Scott said to do, Recognizing A Woman's Worth, per Alicia Keys, and yes, I heard Fantasia when she said, I Ain't Gon' Beg You, and realized I wasn't the woman in Good Mourning, by my girl India.Arie.
I don't have a man but I still felt the need for Valentine's Day presents.
Since I watched the Montel Williams show earlier this month and LL Cool J was a guest, he said if you stay off your vice for 21 days you'll kick it, so I decided to kick candy. Okay, I've heard this before, but when LL tells you something and then licks his lips, well. . .I mean goodness, it's memorable.
So here's my confession: My name is Carmen and I'm a sugaraholic--cheap candy like Smarties and Swedish Fish are my weakness. It's been 11 days since my last fix. Yes, there are…

Astronaut Jokes

I was ging to make jokes about the psycho-astronaut again, but Steve Rose at the Atlanta-Journal Constitution beat me to it. Check out his comments here. :-)

Astronaut Jokes

I was ging to make jokes about the psycho-astronaut again, but Steve Rose at the Atlanta-Journal Constitution beat me to it. Check out his comments here. :-)

Email Insanity

Yaay! We have a winner. My sister sent me the funniest email yesterday and rather than forward madly, I'll just post it here. No need to thank me.

How to keep a healthy level of insanity:

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.

4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN".

5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophesy."

7) Don't use any punctuation

8) Use, too...much; punctuation!

9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11) Specify that your drive-through order …

A Woman Scorned

Love can make you crazy. Take the case of the woman astronaut who found out that the man she was cheating on her husband with, was cheating on her with a woman she didn't know. She put on some diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to pee, then drove from Houston to Florida (look at a map, that's a long one) to talk some sense into the other woman. She ended up pepper spraying the woman because she couldn't get to her otherwise.
Now that's crazy. His picture was in New York Times. He looke a-ight, but he didn't look like he was worth doing time for.
What would have happened had she followed the clues? There had to have been some.
There had to have been a time when he wasn't available when he was before.
When he dumped her right before valentine's day.
When she couldn't call him at home.
If she had followed the clues and then talked to her (extra) man, then she wouldn't be trying to find someone to post 15k bond today, nor would she have ended …