Smurf Houseboys

I got an email entitled, How to tell if you grew up in the 1980's (as if one could forget). One of the ways to tell had somethign to do with the Smurf's. I used to be addicted to the Smurfs, even knew how to do The Smurf, but I had the real Smurf Science. I was able to see all of the hidden messages in the show. There were tons of social and political statements.
First off, the Smurfs lived in an ALL MALE utopian society. They were ecstatically happy with no poverty and no crime. Everyone owned their own home,shared the work and walked around singing all day. Global warming was not an issue, there was no hole in the Ozone layer, no lawyers and no money. They all wore the same clothes. I think they might call this socialism in some textbooks. They were ruled by Papa Smurf, he as wise and all knowing. All was good, until one person, who wasn't blue (Gargamel), decided he could overthrow the society with the ultimate weapon. He created a woman.
Now, at first smurfette wasn't blue and she wasn't cute, She even had bad hair. (Can you say hidden racism, sexism and a whole lot of other isms?) Then her quest to create havoc in the utopian society was foiled. Papa smurf turned her good. Good and blue. He fixed her hair, and even gave her something the other smurfs didn't have, shoes. And you know what? Then she was happy too. What woman wouldn't be after a man got her hair did and gifted her with good shoes? Hmm, lots of problems here.
Of course the dissident side was always trying to win Smurfette back. Like a junkie in a twelve step program, Smurfette (the woman) was always engaged in a constant battle to avoid the lure of the evil life (Gargamel, the dark outsider)
My grandmother used to say you shouldn't buy a person shoes because they might use those same shoes to walk out on you. I watched every week, waiting for Smurfette to put on her walking shoes and march away from the colony of tyrannical men. I wanted her to find gainful employment elsewhere, or better yet, take over and stop baking and rule her own cadre of smurf houseboys. Alas, they cancelled the show before they let that happen. Go figure.
Now, what would they call an all male society today? One where white pants are always in fashion and everyone is so sexless that they are all neutral?
The smurfs would have all been labeled metrosexual or ubersexual, and they would have taught smurfette how to be more fashionable. What not to Wear would be an entirely different show.

Comments

Carmen said…
White pants wearing, all male societies are called prison, dear.
Carmen Green
Anonymous said…
alas, you've got it ALL wrong.

While I must agree with the a lot of the socialist bend, after all, doesn't SMURF stand for: Socialist Men Under Red Father? And my good old chum Gargamel represented capatalism incarnate since he wanted to turn the blue dudes into gold, and used a woman to get them to weaken (Marketing 101, Sex Sells).

But let's get real, he created Smurfette to introduce Western style sexualization tactics to seduce men into using thier varied gifts in and attempt to get "her goodies". No one cared about sexy shoes until then and let's not talk all that crap the poor schlubs made themselves think they had to produce for her in the Valentine's day episode(need I go on?)


Smurfette was brought in to bring a bunch of productive, well-meaning, peaceful blue brothers DOWN. The power of the P transcends time, space, dimension and skin color (from black to blue to white to yellow and so on).

They had this huge platonic/fillial love bond happening, and then came woman. Next thing you know we have a bunch of horny blue guys who were only 3 apples tall in a showdown of miniscule proportions. The blue dudes got competitive and disruptive (just like we men are today). Evidently the the first smurf erection Smurfette caused put the entire world of peace and brotherhood on the path of Western Modernity.

I'm sure there was some after the lights went out things going on, that fell to the editing floor. I bet if there was a reunion show we would hear about all the stuff that really went on and how she held a hell of a lot more power than we all thought. I'm sure Papa Smurf asked, "Who's your Daddy" more than a few times, but she got a nice mushroom to live in, all the best shoes, Hefty Smurf picked up her heavy stuff, Brainy Smurf invented some things for her that kept her happy, Jokey Smurf made the girl laugh, Handy Smurf fixed her up, and I'm sure she took a nap or two with Lazy
Smurf.

On the surface, she might look problemmatic from a feminist perspective, but I really, REALLY think she hit that point where she realized her true power over this village of men, and used it well. She did a good job knowing that she had a lot going on and making it look like she might not have. That's the way a real woman works. She does it all, and let's others think what they must, but she really knew what the heck she was doing and got what she wanted.

Power of the blue P -- rock on Smurffette.

c/c de azul
Nina Foxx said…
You are obviously well school in man things (see previously blog), an excellent student of the Vixen Chronicles. I didn't want to overwhelm the populous with too much information. Information overload can be a deadly, deadly thing in the hands of the masses. Thank you for dropping major science on us. I would love to hear your theories on the Teletubbies.
Anonymous said…
Teletubbies were way after my time. However, I have some strong theories on Barney and Baby Bop; odd thoughts about the Powder Puff Girls; and don't get me started on how Hong Kong Phoey impacted the African American diaspora.

Whatever happened to the really good old stuff like Schoolhouse Rock...Get some knowledge at Conjunction Junction and hang out with "Bill" since he's become a law by now.

Peace.
All I know is my son was terrified of the Smurfs. Never knew why, but if I need to threaten him to do something, all I had to do was threaten to call a Smurf, and he would jump on it :-)
Anonymous said…
I think Smurfette had lots going on that she didn't speak aloud, but hey, don't most females! I agree with c/c de azul - Rock On Smurfette, bet you had some naughty little secrets on how you kept things moved in the direction you wanted them to! If Smurfette was still with us today, she would be smart to keep her naughty little secrets locked safely in her pocket (did she have pockets in that dress???) Hey, those were some sexy shoes!

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