Cookie Conspiracy

The Girl Scout Pledge says that Girl Scouts are supposed to be honest and loyal and trustworthy and all kind of stuff, but truth is, they are evil, evil creatures spreading obesity worldwhile with the potions they so harmlessly call cookies. I said it, Girl Scout cookies are evil.
My daughter is a Brownie and she loves doing Brownie things. After last year, I swore she wouldn't sell cookies again. Sigh. What's that you say? Never say never?
The Troop Leader mom says, Oh if you sold just a few, then she could feel like she was participating in the fund raising. My daughter gave me that long face. She did't want to be the only one without a patch.
Guilt is a mother------.
It would be one thing if she were truly selling them, but you know they don't especially the younger kids. They can't go door ro door, and did you hear about the Brownies that got jacked for their cookies and the cookie money outside a supermarket? What kind of mother would I be if I let her do any of those things by herself?
The other kids parents, they took their order forms to work tp sell cookies. That put us at a disadvantage. I have no office to go to, and in some cases, it would just ot be right for my other half to sell cookies at work.
So we came up with this idea. She wrote a script and would call close family members and solicit their help with her fundraising efforts. I would write an email that we would send asking other people in the virtual world to help.
At first, this plan seemed fine, cookie orders were rolling in by email. If you purchased some, thanks.
But then, the kid had other things she had to do, homeowork, piano, things that kept her from making her calls. So what do I do? I send more emails.
Okay, that wasn't too bad.
But then I get an email from the head cookie mom. the girls will have a joint booth and they need parents to supervise, would I do it on this particular day? There would be other moms to help. The one caveat was that kids were not supposed to handle the money.
I thought, well, okay, we got this far.
I show up and about 7 or 8 girls do too. I swear there were other mothers in the beginning. Then it got hectic. Cars started rolling through and all was fine until the girls wanted to take over. Seems no one told them they weren't supposed to handle the money. I couldn't find the other mothers. They'd vanished. The kids were handng out cookies left and right and money was being thrown at me.
I survived--barely. I'd made it through.
Not quite.
My kids convinced me I had to puurchase some cookies for our own use.
What was I thinking?
I don't know what they put in those things but once you open a box, they all march ruthessly into your mouth.
Their went my diet.
We were almost down to the last box, when what happens? Dagnabit Valentines Day.
And it didn't mtter if you told people not to buy you chocolate, they did anyway.
Giving chocolate to a chocoholic is like givng crack to a crack addict.
Its not lilke it could stay there and not get eaten.
Sigh. Good News though. Light at the end of the tunnel. Today is the first day of Lent.
What am I giving up, you ask?
Try Eating.


still grooven said…
i should buy stock in GMofA!!! i made them RICH this cookie season. why couldn't they sell during Ramadaan? poor salihah. my hips can't afford for her to be a girl scout.
Lady Reborn said…
Caramel Delights are the devils cookies!! Of course I bought some. *sigh* By the time I have kids, the cookies will be like $12 a box...madness!!
Anonymous said…
riot! this is riotous too. those damn thin mints catch me everytime. that an i get them personally delivered every year. my cookie pusher girl's mom is like a thin mint pimp (sort of like your friend who keeps you hooked on chocolate -- wonder if those two miscreants work the same hood??)

anyway, check this out, someone who agrees with us on the addictability of the girl scout cookie:

Anonymous said…
Too funny! I fondly remember the cookie conspiracy days. I'm on the wagon.

I don't work in an office anymore. The money I used to save bringing my Healthy Choice and Crystal Lite lunch every day ended up going for whatever the parents were hustling for their kids that month. The peer pressure of being called a scrooge in the latest water cooler chatter was the best inducement to buying stuff that was bad for my diet and my budget, forget the cause. If three or more hit me up in the same week or month... well, at least I can check caller ID and not answer the telemarketers.

In my office, the girl scout moms were the most agressive. Imagine being hustled by your dear co-workers into buying from each of them. First I was single and childless, so it was "If you had a kid, I'd buy from you." Guilt on a catholic works almost every time. Then it was "What do you mean you only want one box?" or "You bought from who already?" No first come, first gets the sale. Again, gotta avoid being the subject of water cooler gossip. I won't mention what happened the year the childless, health nut CFO circulated a no office solicitating policy. I believe he made cash donations in lieu of cookies to each girl scout mom as penance.

If I have to buy and eat girl scout cookies, my favs were the Samoas. No Samoas, no sale. No substitutes either. My least fav are the thin mints. I stood my ground on that. No thin mints!

But one evening a few years ago, a guy I had a huge crush on at the time, clueless wonder that he was, proudly presented me with... ta da! a box of girl scout cookies! My girlfriends' reactions ranged from "that was so cute" to "damn, he's cheap." One, who's a perpetual dieter, called him diabolical. I waivered depending on how I was feeling about him any given day.

But the true measure of how big a crush I had on him was that the cookies were... thin mints! Big grin on his face, he wagged his tail and panted waiting to be petted and rewarded for his good deed. I opened the box of thin mints and ate several, savoring every bite while he watched. I half expected to be offered a cold glass of milk too.

I've been on the wagon from him and thin mints for over three years now. I can spot and dodge that display outside the grocery store as well as I dodge cops when I'm a wee bit over the posted speed limit.


GSC-free three years and counting

Popular posts from this blog

There is no Try

The Power to Say Yes