Dry Towns and Trash Stealing Night Critters

First I was too cold and now I can't get cool enough. There is no air-conditioning here. I didn't know it when I planned this, or it didn't occur to me. The first night, I told my landlord that I was a little warm in my room at the cottage.
“No, problem, we'll fix that.”
Silly me, I thought that meant that they would turn up the air conditioner to that comfort zone we talk about, you know, between 68 and 72.
“We'll just open a window or two.”
I was perplexed as I followed them around the house. They opened window after window and explained to me how this was an efficient house that was designed to be hot in the winter and cool in the summer. It just wasn't cool enough.
I walked around Oak Bluff, in and out of the various merchants on Circuit avenue. Guess what? No air conditioning there either. The weather was balmy, not quite hot, but I wouldn't exactly call it cool either. It wasn't in your face hot like in Texas, but just warm enough to make you sweat on your nose, the way my grandmama used to say you would do if you were a husband beater.
After awhile, I was lingering in the stores that had better ventilation.
I thought maybe I'd have dinner, including a cocktail. I mean, I already knew I couldn't have Starbucks here, so a martini might do me good and make me not mind the heat so much.
I asked someone where to go. The woman started listing places with good food.
“Well, there's this pizza place, there are right on the water--”
“Oh, and has good drinks,” I added.
“Oh. That's more difficult. West Tisbury and Vineyard Haven are dry towns.”
I was speechless for a minute. Maybe I'd heard wrong. “You mean it doesn't rain much?”
Of course they laughed at me.
“No, the only place you can get alcohol is in Oak Bluffs and Edgartown.”
Sugar-honey-iced-tea. “For real?”
“For real.”
Where in the world am I?
I found a drink.
Then there was a surprise for me this morning. There is a building outside our cottage where the trash is stored. Its made of wood. The door was almost ripped off the hinges.
Should I start packing?
The raccoon from the first night (or some other critter) had broken into the trash.
Lawd Ha'mercy Jesus, Mohammed & Buddha.
Cold Beaches. No AC. Sweaty noses. Dry towns. And now, trash stealing night critters. Next thing they will tell me is that there are no shoe stores here.
I guess I will be staying inside and writing.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Well, if temperatures stay high I guess your fans from around the world can unite. We can have a "Let's by Nina a Stylish Box Fan" drive so you can get some air flow in your summer abode. We can also sneak in some big olives and a bit of Grey Goose so you can moisten your dry town on the DL (either that or find as many good house parties as you can locate, so you can imbibe at every soiree on the island you are invited to).

Keep your windows up and keep your your bottles tipped down.

Regards,
Taku-Gyaruson
This post is hilarious! I'm so feeling you! Here in DC, people are celebrating, because it's cooled off to 90 degrees. Don't be surprised if you hear about the latest DC scandal: "Naked Plus-size Writer Seeks Relief in Nearest Fountain. Good side: DC Crime Emergency Ends." :-)

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