Memed--or The Further Adventures of Kidult.

My daughter is back and school. I’m proud of her, but I miss her. I chuckle as I write this because as much as I miss her and couldn’t wait for her to get home, I couldn’t’ wait for her to go back. Certainly, there is wonder in watching a girl grow into womanhood. Just as I was filled with pride when she took her first steps, I am happy for her and scream (inside) “I did that!” as she conquers the challenges in her life. Alas, there is also pain in watching someone as strong-willed as my daughter ( where’d she get that from!) grow and learn to accept and love herself as she blossoms into womanhood—in my space!
We text every day (at the very least). Sometimes, we call each other. She calls for advice, to chat or just to have an ear to listen as she works out her problems. Our texts are like an on-going conversation—until I make her mad and she stops responding.
I challenge her and find that I can’t help myself. It’s what I do. The other day, though, I was beyond myself as I review one particular text string. I couldn’t decide if I’d turned into my father, or if I’d become one of those test memes, you know what I mean, the ones that are stories and are full of the crazy things your helicopter mom sends you? Yeah, that was me. I realize that as my child grows into her own separate person, much of it was my attempt to reach out and reman connected to her. I’m writing it down so I can remember not to do this in the future. (Not really. It was too much fun!) Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

                                                                        Me: How are you on books?
Her: Not good.
I don’t have any.
My card (debit) is frozen.
                                                                     Me: Why? Call USAA.
                                                                        I’ve already told her this this day before.

Her: Can you take my money and buy the books for me?
Translation: I don’t really have the money and don’t want to spend what I do have.

                                                            Me: Call USAA First. You send me a list.
                                                             Do you know why your card is locked?
                                                      Translation: I’ve already looked and know you don’t have money.

Her: No.
Translation: Of course, I do but I ain’t admitting it to you.

                                                    Me: Or do you have the card you lost and had to
                                                    replace on file at the bookstore?
                                                     Translation: All right. I’ll play.

                                                   What did you choose as a minor?
She doesn’t answer me.

                                                     Me: Did you talk to USAA?

(Still later)
She still doesn’t’ answer me.

(next day)
                                                            Me: I see a refund to OUR account on the 21st for
                                                                27.49, but I see no books being
                                                                  bought. You have
                                                                    68 dollars.
                                                      WHAT IS YOUR PLAN?

Her: Well, my card is still frozen. I think they
thought the 27 dollars was fraud since I’m in Atlanta now.

                                                                             Me:Call them!

Her: I honestly don’t have a plan I guess I will
Just wait until September.
Translation: Pobrecita me. Help me, Mommy!

                                                         Me: You can talk to them through the app.
                                                         You don’t even have to talk to a person.

                                                         Not acceptable.
                                                      Talk to your father about giving you money
                                                     or give me the book names and I will buy them,
                                                       but I will use your money that I would
                                                     give you on the 15tth.
                                                    This is WHY YOU WERE SAVING BOOK MONEY!!

Her: I did save money.
But I literally have two books each class.

                                                   Me: Where’d you save it? You knew 100 dollars wasn’t enough.
                                                  There have been no declined
                                                  transactions on your account in the
                                                   past seven days.
                                                 Are you sure the card is frozen?
                                                  I Know you can get at least one book with 68$.

Her: I tried to buy books on Amazon.
Wasn’t working.

Yeah, I guess I can.

                                                     Me: Call USAA.
Her: OK

                                                    Me: They didn’t decline.
                                                   Are you sure you entered it correctly?
                                                 When the dust settles, you need to look into a job.
                                                  There are probably some you can do remotely.

Her: Face palm emoji. Twice
Like WHAT Mom?

                                                             Me: Amazon.

Her: I’m taking psychometrics,
Bio psych of women and
Brain and Behavior…

                                                         Me: Greta just got hired there, WFH,
                                                          flexible hours 20 hours per week or weekends.

Her: When am I gonna do work, Mom??

                                                      Me: Weekends. A waitress.
                                                      Telling fortunes, IDK.

Her: I have 9 AMs and I don’t end until 4.

                                                    Me: There’s always weekends
                                                   And one day a week, 6-10.

Her: Double face palm emoji

                                                             Me: If not, I still need to see scholarship
                                                             and internship apps, one per week

Can we talk about this another day besides Friday?

                                                            Me: Huh? Why?
                                                                You going out?
                                                              Instead of to work?

Her: No, I’m sleeping.
Or trying to.

                                                                      Me: You could be working.

Her: Bye,
Your stressful.
I’m not even going out, tonight.

                                                                   Me: Welcome to my club,
                                                                 And its YOU’RE.

Her: I don’t think you actually know how hard this is.
I need to rest on the weekend.
My brain needs rest
I be so tired.

                                                      Me: Say what now? I was a double major in psych
                                                      And Chem..and worked all four years of college.
                                                      So I do know.

Her: YOU rest on the weekends.

                                                               Me: Do you even know me?
                                                              I worked at Wendy’s as a hostess for a year,
                                                            The closing shift.
                                                           I would get off at 1AM and have an 8AM
                                                             Class that I had to commute an hour in one direction for.
                                                             I was so tired I would sleep through the
                                                           first hour IN the classroom.
                                                            Then I would work on Thursdays
                                                           6-10pm at a different job and
                                                         all day Saturday and Sunday. I was a
                                                             cheerleader and I had classes.

                                                         And there is no rest on the
                                                        weekends, Meetings and shit ain’t rest.

Her: I’ll look for a job but when my grades are bad
Don’t @ me.
Bye Bye Letters.

                                                         Me: (Alice from Brady Bunch rolling her eyes gif)

Her: I’m not Superwoman
I am a mess
A mess with no books.

                                                            Me: I wonder now if that summer job you
                                                             thought wasn’t worth it, might
                                                               have been worth it for the books!

                                                                I love you!

Her:(blank face emoji)

I can’t make this stuff up!


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