A funny thing happened on the way to the Yule log
Y'all know that I wanted a Apple Watch, but when my Luvster told me it was not on the plan for my holiday, I was good with it. I certainly didn't need a new device and I absolutely have everything that I could ever want. I was resigned to the idea that I was not going to get an Apple Watch as a gift, left to contemplate buying one myself, when about 6 days before Christmas, I get a bank alert that someone spent an Apple Watch amount at the Apple Store.
This posed an interesting dilemma, did I say something and make sure that no one was making merry with our money and possibly spoil my surprise (even though he knows I get these alerts since every time he buys burgers and fries without me, I send him a "nice Nina-gram" to gently remind him to make better dietary choices), or did I keep silent and risk eating 500 bills?
I decided to take the latter route, kept a poker face and then pushed the whole thing to the back of my mind.
Fast forward to Christmas morning. The fireplace was lit, Christmas music floated through the house and we open our gifts with the kids. The next box is going to be my Apple Watch, I'm certain, and then suddenly, everything is open. No watch. Luvster says, "Oh, one thing didn't arrive."
Of course, my mind jumps directly to the Apple watch that is not under either of the trees in the house. I breathe easier, 'cause now I know it's coming. Or not.
We settle into breakfast and he comes close, hugs me and says "There is one small gift for you upstairs on the bed."
My heart jumps. I run upstairs. The Apple Watch is awaiting. I pick up the small, wrapped box and tear into the wrapping--and it's not an Apple watch. It's naughty underthings. That's nice too. I smile. He couldn't have given me these in front of the kids.
We sit together as a family and watch sports and movies and read books and do projects and I, once again, push that Apple watch to the back of my mind.
But then the movie gets boring and my mind starts to wonder. What if our credit cards were scammed, AGAIN, and he didn't by me an Apple Watch? What if he bought an Apple Watch and gave it to someone else? What if he bought HIMSELF an apple watch? What if, like on My Wife and Kids, He bought an Apple watch and donated it to a needy family in Peru in lieu of a goat?
He interrupts my thoughts. "What's wrong, baby? What happened to your holiday spirit?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." But was I really? I push the Apple watch to the back of my mind again.
The day goes on. We go to bed. No effing Apple Watch appears. Who the hell has my $500 dollars then????
Dawn comes and I get up to go to the bathroom. I come back, and my pillow is hard. I try in vain to plump it up. Barely able to see, I think I'm laying on his arm. "Honey, let me back in please."
He grumbles. He's on the other side of the bed.
Not only did he not get me the Apple watch, but he didn't keep my spot warm when I left like he normally does. What the hell???
Why was my pillow still hard? I reach under it and pull out a long box. With the dim light and my eyes that are still asleep, the box appears too long to be an Apple watch. It couldn't be that anyway because mail hadn't arrived yet and he said that one thing was delayed.
I sigh. The man always has nookie on his mind because he has now given me the sex toy to go with the special undies. It's a sex toy shaped box. I mean, what else could fit in there?
I. Can't. My eyes are still asleep. My body is still asleep. I mumble "Thank you, Lover," and toss it on the floor.
Two hours later. I'm more awake now. And I'm mad. Who the hell is walking around with the Apple watch that we paid for?
I pick up the box and my eyes are awake now. I feel bad for thinking all kinds of things.
Luvster bursts into laughter. "I was watching you call me a mother fucker inside your mind all day yesterday. I wanted to see how long it would take you. I BET you that you actually thought that was some type of naugty adult toy since I had already given you a racy gift. Am I right???"
No way was I going to tell him he was right.
I started to open the box. It's a long, retangular box sort of like a box with a tube of toothpaste in it. My eyes are still not quite working well as I open it and inside a kinda phallac plastic case inside the box was --- my lavender Apple Watch, just like the one on my wishlist.
Luvster chuckled, and when I started to giggle like a little school girl who got a new toy he said, "Well, I'm glad the real you is back. The pouting is not a good look, but I DO like the dirty mind part..."
He rolls over to return my hug with that look in his eye, and I wink back as the wake up alarm comes on. I whisper in his ear, "Gym time! let's go see how this new tech works!"
Yes, the gym and tech excite me, in more ways than one.
Love me some him. And I think I'll like my Apple watch, too.
Of course, my mind jumps directly to the Apple watch that is not under either of the trees in the house. I breathe easier, 'cause now I know it's coming. Or not.
We settle into breakfast and he comes close, hugs me and says "There is one small gift for you upstairs on the bed."
My heart jumps. I run upstairs. The Apple Watch is awaiting. I pick up the small, wrapped box and tear into the wrapping--and it's not an Apple watch. It's naughty underthings. That's nice too. I smile. He couldn't have given me these in front of the kids.
We sit together as a family and watch sports and movies and read books and do projects and I, once again, push that Apple watch to the back of my mind.
But then the movie gets boring and my mind starts to wonder. What if our credit cards were scammed, AGAIN, and he didn't by me an Apple Watch? What if he bought an Apple Watch and gave it to someone else? What if he bought HIMSELF an apple watch? What if, like on My Wife and Kids, He bought an Apple watch and donated it to a needy family in Peru in lieu of a goat?
He interrupts my thoughts. "What's wrong, baby? What happened to your holiday spirit?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." But was I really? I push the Apple watch to the back of my mind again.
The day goes on. We go to bed. No effing Apple Watch appears. Who the hell has my $500 dollars then????
Dawn comes and I get up to go to the bathroom. I come back, and my pillow is hard. I try in vain to plump it up. Barely able to see, I think I'm laying on his arm. "Honey, let me back in please."
He grumbles. He's on the other side of the bed.
Not only did he not get me the Apple watch, but he didn't keep my spot warm when I left like he normally does. What the hell???
Why was my pillow still hard? I reach under it and pull out a long box. With the dim light and my eyes that are still asleep, the box appears too long to be an Apple watch. It couldn't be that anyway because mail hadn't arrived yet and he said that one thing was delayed.
I sigh. The man always has nookie on his mind because he has now given me the sex toy to go with the special undies. It's a sex toy shaped box. I mean, what else could fit in there?
I. Can't. My eyes are still asleep. My body is still asleep. I mumble "Thank you, Lover," and toss it on the floor.
Two hours later. I'm more awake now. And I'm mad. Who the hell is walking around with the Apple watch that we paid for?
I pick up the box and my eyes are awake now. I feel bad for thinking all kinds of things.
Luvster bursts into laughter. "I was watching you call me a mother fucker inside your mind all day yesterday. I wanted to see how long it would take you. I BET you that you actually thought that was some type of naugty adult toy since I had already given you a racy gift. Am I right???"
No way was I going to tell him he was right.
I started to open the box. It's a long, retangular box sort of like a box with a tube of toothpaste in it. My eyes are still not quite working well as I open it and inside a kinda phallac plastic case inside the box was --- my lavender Apple Watch, just like the one on my wishlist.
Luvster chuckled, and when I started to giggle like a little school girl who got a new toy he said, "Well, I'm glad the real you is back. The pouting is not a good look, but I DO like the dirty mind part..."
He rolls over to return my hug with that look in his eye, and I wink back as the wake up alarm comes on. I whisper in his ear, "Gym time! let's go see how this new tech works!"
Yes, the gym and tech excite me, in more ways than one.
Love me some him. And I think I'll like my Apple watch, too.
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