I accept my blessings
My husband laid 4 quarters on the table yesterday, lined up in a straight line, and proposed a toast. The quarters measured almost 12cm across, the size of the cancer removed from my body. He toasted the blessing of clear margins and lymph nodes, and i almost cried.
I was almost brought to tears because he gets it.
I've had two weeks of people talking in hushed tones around me, alternated with me showing my new chest to anyone who asked. People who don't know me and my family well seem
Perplexed about my joy.
I met with my doctor to review my pathology report and listened intently when she told me that they couldn't see anything like this on imaging. There was no way they could see this much disease. They also couldn't see the rare melanoma that was Inside one of my breasts. They couldn't see that one of the suckers was trying to kill me and the other had been laying in wait, slowly formulating a backup plan should it's partner fail.
I am a rational woman, so of course I came home and googled, binged and searched every line in my report. I'm
Not the type to leave my final conclusions based on one words from one source.
They may not have been able to see, but I could clearly see the blessings. I may be a rational, logical person, but I am also (finally) smart enough to realize that there are some things I will never understand.
It is a blessing that a random doctor advised me to have an MRI even though my mammogram was normal.
It is a blessing that I actually did it. (I'm a little stubborn)
It is a blessing that I was born when I was. Ten years ago, they wouldn't have been able to see my disease, and I wouldn't have had this choice. I would have been waiting until a much later stage and would need chemotherapy and radiation.
It is a blessing that I have such good health insurance, in a country without socialized medicine. I didn't have to wait, I chose my surgery date, the basic course of action, and my doctors.
Many would believe that all of these things lining up were a result of things going right in the universe, but I know better.
These things are blessings I was given, and I accept and am thankful for them.