The Science of Entering The Pool

One might have thought that I was just lazing by the pool yesterday in Waikoloa, but I wasn’t. I was studying. I find that I can learn something from almost every situation. I tried to sit there and just do nothing, but before long, I found that I was being schooled.
This is a family resort, so no surprise that the early morning pool-goers were families; mothers and fathers with kids in tow, many with a severe case of jet-lag, just like me. People who’d gotten up at 4:30 AM or earlier, whose kids couldn’t wait to get out into the surf or any kind of water.
The MO was almost always the same. The moms lurked around the edge of the pool, with the kids begging for them to hurry up and get into the water. Usually, Kids would jump right in while the moms watched and slowly edged toward the pool.
Some moms might have come to the edge of the pool and let the kids get on the first or second step, threatening to snatch the pool privileges if they went to far too fast.
If Dads were present, the moms whined a little bit and made that face that worked on their husbands while they were dating, the ones that used to get them anything they wanted, and depending on the state of their relationship, or how wrapped around their little one’s fingers the fathers were, it might work now.
The fathers would sigh, and jump in the water with their kids. Some let out a little shriek at the icy water, others thumped their chest like Tarzan and commenced to playing with their little ones from inside the pool, often convincing their kids to jump fully into the pool with them.
If the look from the mothers didn’t work, the fathers sat on the edge of the pool in their recliners (if they weren’t off playing gold already), and watched mom type 3 from behind their sunglasses.
Kids, of course, don’t really care about how cold the water is. The closer they are to twelve though, the more they side with the mothers, who at this point, are still on the side of the pool.
In general, Mothers seem to have several styles of entering the pool.
There are moms in the mom suits that have no intention of ever getting in. (Type A) They walk around the pool on the outside, following their offspring and sometimes the husband, barking orders from the edge. These moms have the suits that are ill-fitting and will usually sag in the butt area if they get wet. (Note that the type of suit is not necessarily correlated with body type. Some Moms belong in mom suits, some have donned mom suits before their time. Its not about fitness, but level of confidence.) Occasionally they may Put a toe in the water, shiver, and then change their minds and go back to giving orders. These are also the moms whose children wear the suits that cover from neck to ankle, and they make them get out of the water every twenty minutes to reapply the sunscreen. This mom never gets wet and never removes her wide-brimmed sun hat.
The second type of mom (Type B) is the mom who stands on the top step of the pool. They keep their arms across to their body, smile at their neighbor and shiver occasionally. They are going to get in the pool, it’ll just take them awhile to do it. They spend about ten minutes on each step and talk each other further and further into the pool. By the time they get in, their husbands and children are bored and have made it halfway down the lazy river. At the end of the day,this mom is sun-burned, wet and looks a mess.
These moms, smile and cut their eyes at the next kind of mom, the Type C mom.
The next kind of mom is not wearing a mom suit. This trendsetter is wearing a fashionable, often two piece suit. Her kids have jumped in too, but she is watching from the steps, easing slowly into the pool to join them. This mom is usually fitter than the rest because she has been planning to wear her fashionable suit all year. She will usually sport designer sunglasses, and have applied sun screen that contains some kind of color, also know as pool makeup.
She is going to ease into the pool to join her kids, and uses one of two techniques to do it. She will stand on the top step, slowly easing down like the Type B mom, just faster, or she will look like she is taking a gentle bath in the water, gently wetting her arms, then her legs, then her shoulders by tossing handfuls of water over herself to try and get used to the water, until finally she eases herself in, making a squeal when she fully hits the water.
Note that her hair will be appropriately pinned up and her sunglasses never come off. She might even swim with her head out of the water, never getting more than a drop of water on her sunglasses.
The mom-suit moms will smile at the third type of mom, alternating the smiles with cutting of their eyes. People on the side act like they aren’t looking while actually stealing glances over the tops of their sunglasses.
Which type am I? I’m not telling, but I am going back to the pool to refine my theory.


Anonymous said…
...never figured you for a "C" student...

My guess is that you are a different type altogether -- let's call it "Type X". Type X is similar to Type C in that the pool make up is fierce, the stunner shades (stunnah shades if you are really off the hook) are well placed, the hair is up and put together. She glides into the water, ensure the face make up never wets (after all you are in the pool for part show and part play, not all play). Once Type X's body had adjusted to the water temperature, the timing guage starts becuase there is a fixed amount of time to be in the pool before A - the digits start to prune (bad because it does not favor the new manicure) or B - the sun stays on your skin too long and you get fooled into thinking you aren't burning because you are actually enjoying the coolness of the water.

Type X will also "glide out" of the water, and find that spot in a nice chair that allows her to dry peacefully, keep a solid eye on her young who still might be in the pool with siblings or parental proxies, and allows her to still garner enough attention that reaffirms that she still does have "IT" in her stylish two piece swimsuit but doesn't invite the average sleeze or chucklehead.

Type X usually will retire near the pool, take in a fancy drink, flip through fashion magazines so she knows what summer fashions she must have, and makes calls to friends and loved ones.

Anonymous said…
I say you are Type X, although you may look like you live at the gym, never eat chocolate and are never getting that designer suit wet, you are a sucker for your kids and will jump in the icy waters fearlessly because you want them to be fearless as well. The only encouragement you need is, a giggle and a "come on mommy"... You are not fooling me! aloha from far away cold places...
roni-2010 said…
The various types of Mom is right on point. I have seen these, may times - whenever I am in the pool.
I don't have children, but have a niece and nephew. I would be type X, a combination of these. I love water rides, so I don't mind getting wet. The pool is a different area, though. But I would be in the pool for the kids, all the times.

I am not a makeup or a hair kind of woman, but my swimsuit and manicure/pedicure would be on point.

You are probably comininations of types, at one time or another, and since you have children. You will look style at all times. But, you will have fun with children, when necessary, too.

from across the chesapeake bay

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