revenge of the machines

I have been on blog silence while I recover from a little bump on my head. Don't worry, I'm okay. It's just that for the past few weeks, machinery has been out to get me. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm not paranoid. You'll see once you hear my story. I have literally been living in a Stephen King novel.
It all started a few weeks ago, on a rainy morning. We had the usual early-morning rush. My kids couldn't find their stuff, and they told me they'd left something in the trunk of their father's car. I went to this car, brand to remain nameless, opened the trunk, and peered inside. This trunk is is very heavy, and it has a hydraulic assist on it. It's the kind that opens automatically with the remote. I stuck my head inside. It was almost as if someone tapped me on the back and try to push me inside, only I didn't fall. Then the trunk came down on its own and tried to bite me, swallow me up. That's right it closed on my head. Now this trunk is shaped like a big forklift. Since the push wasn't successful, I was only halfway in, and it caught me right on the forehead.
No Jokes, okay? I was hurt.
I saw stars for a moment, and then the pain radiated throughout my body. It traveled around to the back of my head, and then ran down my spine. I had a quick flash of being found there, like one of those toys they stuff in the back of the Trunk that looks like you've closed Garfield back there, but his butt is still sticking out. I was alone with my children, and was concerned that they would find me. I shook off the pain as I felt a knot rising on my head. It took a few minutes for the stars and planets I was seeing to go away, but I pulled myself together and got my kids to school on time.
But that wasn't the only thing. A few days later, I was loading one of my beautiful new dishwashers. Of course I purchased the latest in technology. It had all the bells and whistles, literally. I stood in front of it and turned around to grab something to put inside. When I turned back around the door fell open, and hit me in a place on the leg there feels like it's directly connected to your core. Once again my body radiated with pain. I bruises, and another knot rose on my leg that would quickly rival the one on my head.
I thought the worst was over. Another two days later, I hopped in my car, intent on taking my kids to NASA in Houston. I'm on the road on my way out of town, and all of a sudden my car swerves out of control. Note that this is a different car from the one that tried to eat me. I pulled over to the median. Lo! and behold holds, my almost new car had a very flat tire. A blow out. I called roadside assistance and I tried my best to entertain the kids as I waited for them to arrive. After half an hour, it was clear that they weren't coming to get me. They claimed they couldn't find me. Three different truckers had stopped to help and I had already turned them down. I tried to put the car up on the jack that came with it, and twice it fell off, The second time after I'd already gotten the tire off. The second time it fell off, the jack became unusable. This is a bad thing because my car now had no tire and it was sort of on the soft part of the road and was sitting on its rim on the side of the car, with me and two car kids in the back of it.
Finally, a good Samaritan came along. He was the Pastor of a Church in San Antonio, and he was on his way to a nearby Raceway. Who would've known I would have blown a tire right near a Raceway? This is another good thing because only the kind of jack they use on a Raceway would fit under my car, which was now so close to the ground you could maybe shove a toothpick under it. The kind fellow changed my tire and I headed home to change cars.
The machine conspiracy had been foiled again. It took me all this time to recover from my two bumps and my hurt feelings because I was sitting on the side of the road and a sports car with only three tires. By the way, that tire was so shredded that I could put my whole body in it. I'm recovered now.
I asked my lawyer if I get car manufacturer or the dishwasher maker, or even the people made the tire. Maybe the Jack manufacturer?
He shook his head It had the nerve to accuse me of being clumsy.
Whatever.

Comments

Anonymous said…
WOW!!! The mechanical world is ganging up on you now....usually it's flora and fauna that attacks Ms. Foxx. Maybe you should go camping, hiking or white water rafting since it's highly unlikely that Mother Nature and Mr. Mechanical are both at odds with you.

I know you are a techno geek, so I hope the world of the internet, computers and cell phones doesn't come after you next. I can't imagine you writing letters by hand, going a day without your iPhone as long as a cell tower is near, nor you trying to find your way outside your subdivision without the GPS leading the way.

I will light some candles, pray to the mechanical and natural gods, and hope your luck turns around.

Peace & Love,
Casa Chico de la Zorra
The Jaded NYer said…
Hey- wanted to say "hey" to a fellow FDU MFA gal (I graduated last summer)... and to remind you that The Terminator and I, Robot were not just films, but rather a warning to us humans that machines are the enemy... stay safe!!
Linda Sherman said…
Hi Nina! Hope you are fully recovered from your bump on the head. Hope to hear from you soon.

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